Best Divorce Letter Ever!

[zengrifter]

Best Divorce Letter Ever!

Dear Wife:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever.
I've been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw.

Last week, you came home & didn't even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a bran d new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. You're either cheating on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.

Your EX-Husband

P.S don't try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

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Dear Ex-Husband:

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping. Too bad that doesn't work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was 'You look just like a girl!' Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say something nice, I didn't comment.

When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister=2 0had just borrowed $50 from me that morning. After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out.

So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job &
bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica, but when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dime from me. So take care.

Your Ex-Wife, Rich as Hell & Free!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem.

[zengrifter]

Discovered while hacking Brutus's email account. zg

[Brutus]

Originally Posted by zengrifter

Discovered while hacking Brutus's email account. zg

[aslan]

It would be a good letter to send even if you didn't win the lotto (how would he/she know?) and your sister/brother wasn't really a man/woman (again, how would he/she know?). I will keep it on file in the unlikely event that I might need it some day. az

[jack,jackson]

Best Divorce Letter Ever!

Dear Husband:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever.
I've been a good woman to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw.

Last week, you came home & didn't even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk panties. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your sports. You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. You're either cheating on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.

Your EX-Wife

P.S don't try to find me. Your BROTHER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Ex-Wife:

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my sports so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping. Too bad that doesn't work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was 'You look just like a man!' Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say something nice, I didn't comment.

When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those new silk panties: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my brother=2 0had just borrowed $50 from me that morning. After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out.

So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job &
bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica, but when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dime from me. So take care.

Your Ex-Husband, Rich as Hell & Free!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my brother Carl was born Carla. I hope that's not a problem.

[aslan]

They say that turnabout is fair play. az

Sage--That timely lotto win appears to be a rare breed of black swan. I'm keeping my annual subscription to MegaMillions even if it is a long shot. You never know.