Inspirational video

[Katweezel]

Inspirational 2 mins 15 secs
www.thesecret.tv/secret-to-riches/

[aslan]

Originally Posted by Katweezel

Inspirational 2 mins 15 secs
www.thesecret.tv/secret-to-riches/

Now my mailbox is cluttered with all these letters full of currency people keep sending me! Please!! No more currency!! A little privacy, please!! Thank you!
Brother Aslan
Capuchin Monastery
Berryville, Virginia

[Katweezel]

Originally Posted by aslan

Now my mailbox is cluttered with all these letters full of currency people keep sending me! Please!! No more currency!! A little privacy, please!! Thank you!
Brother Aslan
Capuchin Monastery
Berryville, Virginia

Brother Aslan, the kitchen informs me you missed your lentil soup with bread last night and also missed vespers with sacraments. You have also been observed parading in proscribed garb. Brother Zen-Putin reports from our pharmacy that you failed to collect your weekly supply of medications yet again.

Your monastic dedication, commitment, motivation and desire is in serious doubt. Your re-education has been programmed and the needed corrective action is to be undertaken by you, effectively from now. You have two weeks to prepare a 3-hour discourse to the packed assembly room. A pass mark of 80% is expected by the 3 Monsignor judges. Your topic is:
The influence of the Roman Church on the evolution of Italian politics.

This task represents an opportunity to redeem yourself.

(signed) Supreme Comptroller, Brother Katas-Trophe.

[aslan]

Originally Posted by Katweezel

Brother Aslan, the kitchen informs me you missed your lentil soup with bread last night and also missed vespers with sacraments. You have also been observed parading in proscribed garb. Brother Zen-Putin reports from our pharmacy that you failed to collect your weekly supply of medications yet again.

Your monastic dedication, commitment, motivation and desire is in serious doubt. Your re-education has been programmed and the needed corrective action is to be undertaken by you, effectively from now. You have two weeks to prepare a 3-hour discourse to the packed assembly room. A pass mark of 80% is expected by the 3 Monsignor judges. Your topic is:
The influence of the Roman Church on the evolution of Italian politics.

This task represents an opportunity to redeem yourself.

(signed) Supreme Comptroller, Brother Katas-Trophe.

I thought the sign said "prescribed" garb--that should explain the cutoffs, hawaiian silk shirt, clogs, and sun glasses. I don't like Zen-Putin's medications. It makes me too holy. Why last week alone I had three apparitions of Jesus, two appearances of Mary, one fleeting glimpse of Gina Lollabridgida (I didn't entertain impure thoughts), and three visits of the tooth fairy. The tooth fairy looked oddly enough like Brother Faggio from the cell next door, but the mirage vanished when I punched him in the groin. All three times I might add. Please don't make me stand before the assembly. Last time it took me months to get over all the bruises and pummeling by that viscious mob of clawing, biting, slugging, baseball wielding reprobates. I still have bite marks all over my arms, and my toe nails may never grow out again.

[Katweezel]

Brother Aslan, Brother Faggio will no longer be uh, bothering you as he has been reassigned. In another development that affects your atonement, Brother Zen-Putin has confessed that he often misappropriated your unwanted medications and overindulged. In my illustrious compassion, and with pious forgiveness in my heart, I have delivered his chance to redeem himself, rather than cast him adrift into hellfire oblivion.

He has been instructed to prepare a 3-hour discourse also in the packed assembly hall, similar to your atonement, and his topic is:
Drugs and The Divine. You two wayward Brothers shall be rewarded in Heaven, if not before.

from Brother Superior Katas-Trophe

[aslan]

Originally Posted by Katweezel

Brother Aslan, Brother Faggio will no longer be uh, bothering you as he has been reassigned. In another development that affects your atonement, Brother Zen-Putin has confessed that he often misappropriated your unwanted medications and overindulged. In my illustrious compassion, and with pious forgiveness in my heart, I have delivered his chance to redeem himself, rather than cast him adrift into hellfire oblivion.

He has been instructed to prepare a 3-hour discourse also in the packed assembly hall, similar to your atonement, and his topic is:
Drugs and The Divine. You two wayward Brothers shall be rewarded in Heaven, if not before.

from Brother Superior Katas-Trophe

May I be excused? I have heard Brother Zen's 3-hour discourse ad nauseam, and I do not feel that being subjected to his pious meanderings about the benefits of being stoned in the pursuit of religious experiences of sublime joy and peace will accrue to my edification. I much prefer being alone with God Who has no trouble reaching down to me on His own, and I much prefer leaving it entirely up to Him whether or not I experience any special sensations or enlightenment in His Presence. But thanks just the same.

[Katweezel]

Originally Posted by aslan

May I be excused? I have heard Brother Zen's 3-hour discourse ad nauseam, and I do not feel that being subjected to his pious meanderings about the benefits of being stoned in the pursuit of religious experiences of sublime joy and peace will accrue to my edification. I much prefer being alone with God Who has no trouble reaching down to me on His own, and I much prefer leaving it entirely up to Him whether or not I experience any special sensations or enlightenment in His Presence. But thanks just the same.

You may not be excused from his discourse. As you know, repetition is good for the soul. Both of you miscreants have sorely tried my eternal rectitude and patience. But fortunately for you, I possess the God-given ability to be able to reach deep inside my inherent Divinity and forgive my errant Brothers, but your final opportunity presents. Do not turn your back on your dharma. Your very possible return to the ghetto and indignity from which I plucked you some two decades ago beckons. I urge you for the final time: return to the straight and narrow path of the renunciant, before it is too late.

[aslan]

Originally Posted by Katweezel

You may not be excused from his discourse. As you know, repetition is good for the soul. Both of you miscreants have sorely tried my eternal rectitude and patience. But fortunately for you, I possess the God-given ability to be able to reach deep inside my inherent Divinity and forgive my errant Brothers, but your final opportunity presents. Do not turn your back on your dharma. Your very possible return to the ghetto and indignity from which I plucked you some two decades ago beckons. I urge you for the final time: return to the straight and narrow path of the renunciant, before it is too late.

I am sorry your eternal rectum is sore, but I have no interest in facing my diarrhema. And stop the bullsh%t, you never plucked me either from the ghetto or elsewhere. I don't care about the path of renonsense, and it is never too late.

[Katweezel]

Originally Posted by aslan

I am sorry your eternal rectum is sore, but I have no interest in facing my diarrhema. And stop the bullsh%t, you never plucked me either from the ghetto or elsewhere. I don't care about the path of renonsense, and it is never too late.

You are now permanently interdicted, now and unto forever.
Vacca foeda. Stupid cow. Fac ut vivas. Get a life.

Minutus cantorum, minutus balorum, minutus carborata descendum pantorum.
A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down your pants.

Fac ut gaudeam. Make my day. Ad eundum quo nemo ante iit.
To boldly go where no man has gone before.

Postatem obscuri lateris nescitis. You do not know the power of the dark side. Sit vis nobiscum. May the force be with you.

Tauri in decurso. Bulls on parade. Magnus frater spectat te...
Big Brother is watching you....

Monstra mihi pecuniam! Show me the money!

Si hoc signum legere potes, operis boni in rebus Latinus alacribus et fructuosis potiri potes!
If you can read this sign, you can get a good job in the fast-paced, high-paying world of Latin!

Catapultam habeo. Nisi pecuniam omnem mihi dabis, ad caput tuum saxum immane mittam.
I have a catapult. Give me all the money, or I will fling an enormous rock at your head. Cave ne ante ullas catapultas ambules.
If I were you, I wouldn't walk in front of any catapults.

Sentio aliquos togatos contra me conspirare.
I think some people in togas are plotting against me. Nihil curo de ista tua stulta superstitione. I'm not interested in your dopey religious cult.

Noli me vocare, ego te vocabo.
Don't call me, I'll call you. Canis meus id comedit. My dog ate it.

Braccae illae virides cum subucula rosea et tunica Caledonia-quam elenganter concinnatur!
Those green pants go so well with that pink shirt and the plaid jacket!

Re vera, potas bene. Say, you sure are drinking a lot.
Utinam barbari spatium proprium tuum invadant! May barbarians invade your personal space!

Utinam logica falsa tuam philosophiam totam suffodiant!
May faulty logic undermine your entire philosophy!

Radix lecti. Couch potato. Spero nos familiares mansuros. I hope we'll still be friends. Romani quidem artem amatoriam invenerunt. You know, the Romans invented the art of love. Sic faciunt omnes. Everyone is doing it.

Mellita, domi adsum.
Honey, I'm home. Tam exanimis quam tunica nehru fio. I am as dead as the nehru jacket.

Ventis secundis, tene cursum.
Go with the flow. Totum dependeat. Let it all hang out.

Magister Mundi sum!
I am the Master of the Universe! Te audire no possum. Musa sapientum fixa est in aure. I can't hear you. I have a banana in my ear.

Prehende uxorem meam, sis! Take my wife, please! Recedite, plebes! Gero rem imperialem! Stand aside plebians! I am on imperial business.

Oblitus sum perpolire clepsydras!
I forgot to polish the clocks!

[aslan]

Originally Posted by Katweezel

You are now permanently interdicted, now and unto forever.
Vacca foeda. Stupid cow. Fac ut vivas. Get a life.

Minutus cantorum, minutus balorum, minutus carborata descendum pantorum.
A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down your pants.

Fac ut gaudeam. Make my day. Ad eundum quo nemo ante iit.
To boldly go where no man has gone before.

Postatem obscuri lateris nescitis. You do not know the power of the dark side. Sit vis nobiscum. May the force be with you.

Tauri in decurso. Bulls on parade. Magnus frater spectat te...
Big Brother is watching you....

Monstra mihi pecuniam! Show me the money!

Si hoc signum legere potes, operis boni in rebus Latinus alacribus et fructuosis potiri potes!
If you can read this sign, you can get a good job in the fast-paced, high-paying world of Latin!

Catapultam habeo. Nisi pecuniam omnem mihi dabis, ad caput tuum saxum immane mittam.
I have a catapult. Give me all the money, or I will fling an enormous rock at your head. Cave ne ante ullas catapultas ambules.
If I were you, I wouldn't walk in front of any catapults.

Sentio aliquos togatos contra me conspirare.
I think some people in togas are plotting against me. Nihil curo de ista tua stulta superstitione. I'm not interested in your dopey religious cult.

Noli me vocare, ego te vocabo.
Don't call me, I'll call you. Canis meus id comedit. My dog ate it.

Braccae illae virides cum subucula rosea et tunica Caledonia-quam elenganter concinnatur!
Those green pants go so well with that pink shirt and the plaid jacket!

Re vera, potas bene. Say, you sure are drinking a lot.
Utinam barbari spatium proprium tuum invadant! May barbarians invade your personal space!

Utinam logica falsa tuam philosophiam totam suffodiant!
May faulty logic undermine your entire philosophy!

Radix lecti. Couch potato. Spero nos familiares mansuros. I hope we'll still be friends. Romani quidem artem amatoriam invenerunt. You know, the Romans invented the art of love. Sic faciunt omnes. Everyone is doing it.

Mellita, domi adsum.
Honey, I'm home. Tam exanimis quam tunica nehru fio. I am as dead as the nehru jacket.

Ventis secundis, tene cursum.
Go with the flow. Totum dependeat. Let it all hang out.

Magister Mundi sum!
I am the Master of the Universe! Te audire no possum. Musa sapientum fixa est in aure. I can't hear you. I have a banana in my ear.

Prehende uxorem meam, sis! Take my wife, please! Recedite, plebes! Gero rem imperialem! Stand aside plebians! I am on imperial business.

Oblitus sum perpolire clepsydras!
I forgot to polish the clocks!

Well, is that all you have to say?