1. Whenever the dealer busts, say, “Wow, all us ploppies sure did good on that one.”
2. Split 5s and double down on the split, regardless of the hand.
3. Ask the waitress for a 7-Up with an olive.
4. When the dealer says “you’ve got 6 or 16,” ask her if you have to tell her which one you want it to be.
5. When the dealer offers insurance, ask what the deductible is.
6. In Vegas, ask the dealer if the Donny and Marie show is topless.
7. Ask if you can raise your bet on the river.
8. When the dealer tells you not to touch the cards, ask if you can lick them.
9. Wear a t-shirt that says “I don’t go to MIT, and I don’t even know what the letters stand for.”
10. Ask the other players if anyone counts cards, and if so, would they please keep you posted.
11. Complain loudly that you’ve lost so much money playing blackjack that you had to sell your kids to a medical school.
12. Ask the PC if he can let you know when you’ve got enough comps for an omelette.
13. Ask if it’s okay to bluff.
14. Tell everyone you’re only playing because all the seats are full at the Casino War game.