This is a warning to everyone here. If you are at a movie store and your wife wants to rent The Lake House, you might start wandering around to look for a movie that you can actually watch while holding food down. If you’re like me and you spot the movie Hit Me, thinking “Cool, a movie about card counting in Vegas!!”, put the movie back down, tear a $5 bill to shreds, smack yourself in the balls, and go sit in a dark room for 2 hours. I promise you it’s a better way to spend an evening than watching this movie would be.
(By the way, excuse the long post, I’m bored as hell and have to sit in this empty office for the next 2 hours… I’m trying to kill a little time)
I can’t remember everything that happened; my body’s survival instincts have subconsciously erased many of the bad parts from my memory. There are a few gems that stick out though. I’ll just toss out random parts instead of going through the entire, painful experience.
Oh, and I guess I’ll warn you that there are spoilers in this little post, so if you plan on wasting money, brain cells, and time on this movie, quit reading right now.
This 30 year old math genius applies to a help wanted ad in the paper. The interview is with this bimbo who asks a few questions, finding out he is the guy who does the math for the nutrition labels on the back of food containers (amazing script, eh?) then arranges an interview with this marvelous piece of writing brilliance:
“Do you like coffee?”
“Not particularly”
“Good. Me neither. Let’s meet for a cup of coffee.”
What writing prowess! Anyway, they get together for the interview at a coffee shop. She says “So you’re a math whiz? What’s 43 divided by 74?” And of course he blurts out “0.581”. Uh-huh. Then she asks something like “What’s 352 times 1056?” Of course our guy says “371, 712” after about a nanosecond of thought. Completely relevant math for a card counter, right?
So it turns out there’s the casino in Vegas that is bringing in automatic shufflers in one week, and they’re going to hit this place before than happens, and they’re going to take home $3 million. While she’s explaining this to the two guys she hires, they show a friggin’ $10 plastic auto shuffler shuffling 2 decks together. It’s amazing what you can do with an unlimited movie budget!! (as long as it’s under $5000) :laugh:
Maybe the funniest part is when she’s walking them through a casino, showing them a few things. They watch a guy alone at a table with a ballcap and sunglasses, who is constantly arranging chips in a little plastic holder in front of him. She tells the guys that he is an obvious counter, then she says “and here comes the call” BEFORE the pitboss goes over to the phone (nice editing job), then the PB walks over and touches the guy’s shoulder. He immediately gets up and just walks with the PB towards to door, leaving a big stack of chips on the table. “And there’s the banning” she says to them as I laugh my ass off.
The card tracking and sequencing bit was just amazing. They watch a 10 and a 2 dealt out. The woman says “see that 10 and 2, they won’t be separated when he shuffles, if we remember where they are we can steer a card to you”. She sits down and bets small, then he sits down 15 seconds later and cashes in $40,000
She is dealt a 20, he gets 18, dealer shows 10. Somehow they know that that 10-2 combo is right up so she hits her 20. When asked why she wants to hit a 20 she replies “hit me or I’ll hit you”. She takes the 10 and busts. Her partner hits his 18 and also catches flack, he says “why is it so crazy to think you have a 20 there, when the 10 is the most common card in the deck?” Of course he hits, gets the 2 for a 20, and wins. WOW THESE GUYS ARE GOOD.
Oh, and the part where we find out she needs this money to pay back a “bad dude” was hilarious. While she’s there in his backyard asking for an extra loan to cover this gambling session, he gets a delivery of stun guns for his bodyguards. I guess to show what a badass the guy is, he calls over a little 6 year old kid. “Hey Billy, do you want some candy?” he says while holding out candy in one hand and a stun gun in the other, behind his back. After a brilliantly edited 15 second marvel of acting by the kid, with the “do I or don’t I” hesitation, he goes for the candy and gets a zap. Satisfied that they work, he orders “give one to every bodyguard” to some other dude. Poetry in motion.
But the absolute best part is near the end. Him and the other guy (his partner) are at a table. The partner is at first base eating up bad cards while remembering the “When the count is low, hit anything, hit 21 if you have to!!" instructions from his boss. He loses and the PB tells him to leave. When he protests, the PB says “There are no spectators allowed, sir. House rules.” :laugh:
So anyway, our hero sits there, and after 4 minutes of terrible editing that my 6 year old could do on our 5 year old Power Mac in 20 minutes, he’s sitting there with several big stacks of different colored chips. They’re also all small, solid colored chips; I guess the movie budget didn’t include having chips that look like actual casino chips. Another big guy walks over and tells the PB that he needs to close the table, so he walks over and tells the guy that his run is over, and this is his last hand.
The guy asks them “How much do I have here, what’s my take?”
“Almost 2 and a half million, sir” (they let counters turn 40 grand into 2.5 million all the time!)
“OK then, well I’m all in.” He says as he pushes several large stacks of fake plastic chips into the betting circle.
“Uh, sir, that’s considerably more than the table limit.”
“Well then raise the limit.”
“Sir I can’t do that.”
“Well find somebody who can.”
PB looks behind him to the big guy who gave the order to end the game, who nods yes! :laugh:
First card is a 2. Ouch! Next is a 10. Oh no! Then a 4. Oh my god! More bad editing, and a slow painful decision to make…. HIT ME (wow, in retrospect, what a great job of naming this movie!!). He pulls a 5 to make 21, and ends up with over 4 and a half million bucks, which he takes out in a nice duffle bag with the casino name on it, and strolls down Freemont Street.
Man, what a gem of a movie. There are literally dozens of other cringe inducing strategy mistakes, examples of bad acting, bad writing, bad everything. BTW, did you know that for every point the true count goes up, you’re supposed to double your bet? (yes, she tells them that)
Sorry for the overly long post, but I just had to share my misfortune with someone.
I wish Kevin Spacey would hurry the hell up and make his movie.
:laugh:
(By the way, excuse the long post, I’m bored as hell and have to sit in this empty office for the next 2 hours… I’m trying to kill a little time)
I can’t remember everything that happened; my body’s survival instincts have subconsciously erased many of the bad parts from my memory. There are a few gems that stick out though. I’ll just toss out random parts instead of going through the entire, painful experience.
Oh, and I guess I’ll warn you that there are spoilers in this little post, so if you plan on wasting money, brain cells, and time on this movie, quit reading right now.
This 30 year old math genius applies to a help wanted ad in the paper. The interview is with this bimbo who asks a few questions, finding out he is the guy who does the math for the nutrition labels on the back of food containers (amazing script, eh?) then arranges an interview with this marvelous piece of writing brilliance:
“Do you like coffee?”
“Not particularly”
“Good. Me neither. Let’s meet for a cup of coffee.”
What writing prowess! Anyway, they get together for the interview at a coffee shop. She says “So you’re a math whiz? What’s 43 divided by 74?” And of course he blurts out “0.581”. Uh-huh. Then she asks something like “What’s 352 times 1056?” Of course our guy says “371, 712” after about a nanosecond of thought. Completely relevant math for a card counter, right?
So it turns out there’s the casino in Vegas that is bringing in automatic shufflers in one week, and they’re going to hit this place before than happens, and they’re going to take home $3 million. While she’s explaining this to the two guys she hires, they show a friggin’ $10 plastic auto shuffler shuffling 2 decks together. It’s amazing what you can do with an unlimited movie budget!! (as long as it’s under $5000) :laugh:
Maybe the funniest part is when she’s walking them through a casino, showing them a few things. They watch a guy alone at a table with a ballcap and sunglasses, who is constantly arranging chips in a little plastic holder in front of him. She tells the guys that he is an obvious counter, then she says “and here comes the call” BEFORE the pitboss goes over to the phone (nice editing job), then the PB walks over and touches the guy’s shoulder. He immediately gets up and just walks with the PB towards to door, leaving a big stack of chips on the table. “And there’s the banning” she says to them as I laugh my ass off.
The card tracking and sequencing bit was just amazing. They watch a 10 and a 2 dealt out. The woman says “see that 10 and 2, they won’t be separated when he shuffles, if we remember where they are we can steer a card to you”. She sits down and bets small, then he sits down 15 seconds later and cashes in $40,000
She is dealt a 20, he gets 18, dealer shows 10. Somehow they know that that 10-2 combo is right up so she hits her 20. When asked why she wants to hit a 20 she replies “hit me or I’ll hit you”. She takes the 10 and busts. Her partner hits his 18 and also catches flack, he says “why is it so crazy to think you have a 20 there, when the 10 is the most common card in the deck?” Of course he hits, gets the 2 for a 20, and wins. WOW THESE GUYS ARE GOOD.
Oh, and the part where we find out she needs this money to pay back a “bad dude” was hilarious. While she’s there in his backyard asking for an extra loan to cover this gambling session, he gets a delivery of stun guns for his bodyguards. I guess to show what a badass the guy is, he calls over a little 6 year old kid. “Hey Billy, do you want some candy?” he says while holding out candy in one hand and a stun gun in the other, behind his back. After a brilliantly edited 15 second marvel of acting by the kid, with the “do I or don’t I” hesitation, he goes for the candy and gets a zap. Satisfied that they work, he orders “give one to every bodyguard” to some other dude. Poetry in motion.
But the absolute best part is near the end. Him and the other guy (his partner) are at a table. The partner is at first base eating up bad cards while remembering the “When the count is low, hit anything, hit 21 if you have to!!" instructions from his boss. He loses and the PB tells him to leave. When he protests, the PB says “There are no spectators allowed, sir. House rules.” :laugh:
So anyway, our hero sits there, and after 4 minutes of terrible editing that my 6 year old could do on our 5 year old Power Mac in 20 minutes, he’s sitting there with several big stacks of different colored chips. They’re also all small, solid colored chips; I guess the movie budget didn’t include having chips that look like actual casino chips. Another big guy walks over and tells the PB that he needs to close the table, so he walks over and tells the guy that his run is over, and this is his last hand.
The guy asks them “How much do I have here, what’s my take?”
“Almost 2 and a half million, sir” (they let counters turn 40 grand into 2.5 million all the time!)
“OK then, well I’m all in.” He says as he pushes several large stacks of fake plastic chips into the betting circle.
“Uh, sir, that’s considerably more than the table limit.”
“Well then raise the limit.”
“Sir I can’t do that.”
“Well find somebody who can.”
PB looks behind him to the big guy who gave the order to end the game, who nods yes! :laugh:
First card is a 2. Ouch! Next is a 10. Oh no! Then a 4. Oh my god! More bad editing, and a slow painful decision to make…. HIT ME (wow, in retrospect, what a great job of naming this movie!!). He pulls a 5 to make 21, and ends up with over 4 and a half million bucks, which he takes out in a nice duffle bag with the casino name on it, and strolls down Freemont Street.
Man, what a gem of a movie. There are literally dozens of other cringe inducing strategy mistakes, examples of bad acting, bad writing, bad everything. BTW, did you know that for every point the true count goes up, you’re supposed to double your bet? (yes, she tells them that)
Sorry for the overly long post, but I just had to share my misfortune with someone.
I wish Kevin Spacey would hurry the hell up and make his movie.
:laugh:
