Spouse

jimmtech · Mar 25, 2009

My wife hates casinos, she hates smoke, she hates the noise of slots, she can't stand drunken people and she hates gambling.

I have taken her to casinos and gotten her lots of free cash, gifts and nice meals and lots of stays in fancy hotels.

I have tried to get her to play slots with tepid and disappointing results.

I have tried to get her to play at the tables with me - too stressfull.

I have free hotel stays, free money and free meals all over the country and she could care less.

My biggest mistake has been to disclose big losses to her early on.

When I try to discuss me going full time, its as if a new ice age has flash frozen the earth.

AP talk and even showing her wads of cash won has no effect.

I'm sure gambling has broken families up before, but my question is:

Have any of you successfully overcome this with your spouse?

sagefr0g · Mar 25, 2009

jimmtech said:

when i started playing blackjack almost four years ago with $300 i promised my wife if i lost that, then it would be over. she agreed. so far i haven't lost the $300 and over those years i've kept her up to date on everything that has happened, the good and the bad.
she understands that most any guy is gonna have some hobby or things he like to do that is gonna cost some money, just as most wives have recreational interests that have expenses involved. she see's that my recreational pursuits hasn't cost us a single dime. so i get no grief.
i guess if it ever happens that i lose the bankroll i've built up and that $300 then she has a legitimate complaint.

FLASH1296 · Mar 25, 2009

I have been married 3 times.

My first wife hated gambling
It did not enhance my marriage.
It made it stressful for her.

The second marriage was a profound disaster.
Gambling was the crux of the problem.

My third (current) marriage is to a poker player.
It works well, although I basically limit my time "on the road"
to about one week per month. At my age, that is plenty.

From the sound of what you have posted, winning and losing money
is not the issue. You are thinking of this like a man. You need to be
empathic. As a woman she i a much more evolved being than you are.
To her, gambling is simply morally wrong, and likely she views it as an
impediment to your 'relationship', to underestimate the case.

My second wife had said:
"you are cheating on me.
Your lover is a deck of cards."

She was fully correct. I could not see that at the time.

Kasi · Mar 25, 2009

jimmtech said:

She loves slots. Always had.

She loves gambling. Always did,

I hate slots.

I hate gambling.

I never gambled or played slots before I met her. Would never have been dragged to a casino without her.

Humiliated by a dealer 3 times on our honeymoon playing BJ after being told "are you suire you want to hit that 21?"

Learned BJ on the internet recognizing an opportunity.

Taught her BJ, she plays flawless BS but gets bored playing min.

Still loves the potential big "payoff" of slots.

Made the mistake of teaching her 3-card poker and Let-It-Ride and SP21.
The only thing she likes are the side-bets with the bigger pay-offs.

I always bring an extra thou because I know by the time I go to bed upon arrival, tired from travel, she wakes me up at 4 AM with some bad luck story, still 2 days to go on our trip, and wants to borrow some money. She never knows I brought the extra thou. I give her $400 and tell her that's all I got.

I tell her fine, if I play with you and you play min BJ.

Usually, she eventually wins a couple hundred and dashes off to some slot machine or some 3-card table except I'm not supposed to know that that's what she's doing.

Once I had "lent" her $400 or so and she had about $700 in front of her after a while. I asked for my $400 "loan" back.

That was early in our marriage - don't do that anymore lmao.

Is it weird that she and I have always had separate finances? We have two jointly-held accounts but she is primary on one and I am primary on the other.
That's the way she wanted it when we got married. I don't open her mail and she doesn't open mine. I don't know her debts and she doesn't know mine. In theory lol. She writes me a check once a month for agreed-upon joint household expenses and I pay the house hold bills.

A couple times she wanted like a $10K "loan" so I gave it to her and she'd pay me back over 5 years at some interest rate. How weird is that?

I get the fact she'd rather gamble than buy a new car or whatever. I'm not going to change her.

Sounds like your wife is me and you are my wife to some degree lol. I hope she accepts what you like in the same way I accept the fact of how much my wife loves to "gamble".

But we only go on 2-3 trips a year.

Don't even know what I'm saying lol - don't know how much you play - bet to
a roll you guys can agree upon, measure results frequently and go from there lol.

callipygian · Mar 25, 2009

jimmtech said:

Define success. If she resents you for the rest of your life but you get to follow your dream of being pro, is that success?

I haven't been in your exact situation, but this sounds like a pretty normal marriage issue - you want to do something or make a lifestyle change your wife doesn't like. That something varies, but the conflict usually ends up being the same whether it's you wanting to work at a lower paying job or to move your family to another state or to have a threesome

or to accept a promotion that requires travelling. Stuff like this happens all the time, and there's a standard battery of exercises that marriage counselors can use to help you talk through your problem. If there's someone you both trust (friend, counselor, pastor, etc.), I'd suggest hitting them up for advice.

If you want to save yourself some time or money, these sessions generally start off the same way:

There's generally a root (unspoken) issue that's the real key to the problem. Try to find out what that is - is she worried you won't make enough money? Is she worried you won't spend enough time with her? Is she worried that you'll fail?

Also, look inside at yourself. What's your goal here, to convince her to sign on to something you've essentially decided to do with or without her, or to find a way to make the pro life work for you? Be honest with yourself; you don't need to post anything here or PM me or pretend to be anything you aren't. I'm not your counselor.

ihate17 · Mar 25, 2009

Sounds like you married my X

jimmtech said:

My wife hates casinos, she hates smoke, she hates the noise of slots, she can't stand drunken people and she hates gambling.

I have taken her to casinos and gotten her lots of free cash, gifts and nice meals and lots of stays in fancy hotels.

I have tried to get her to play slots with tepid and disappointing results.

I have tried to get her to play at the tables with me - too stressfull.

I have free hotel stays, free money and free meals all over the country and she could care less.

My biggest mistake has been to disclose big losses to her early on.

When I try to discuss me going full time, its as if a new ice age has flash frozen the earth.

AP talk and even showing her wads of cash won has no effect.

I'm sure gambling has broken families up before, but my question is:

Have any of you successfully overcome this with your spouse?

Great lady, but our interests were just too different.
Best of luck

daddybo · Mar 25, 2009

Gee Whiz

jimmtech said:

My wife hates casinos, she hates smoke, she hates the noise of slots, she can't stand drunken people and she hates gambling.

I have taken her to casinos and gotten her lots of free cash, gifts and nice meals and lots of stays in fancy hotels.

I have tried to get her to play slots with tepid and disappointing results.

I have tried to get her to play at the tables with me - too stressfull.

I have free hotel stays, free money and free meals all over the country and she could care less.

My biggest mistake has been to disclose big losses to her early on.

When I try to discuss me going full time, its as if a new ice age has flash frozen the earth.

AP talk and even showing her wads of cash won has no effect.

I'm sure gambling has broken families up before, but my question is:

Have any of you successfully overcome this with your spouse?

Gee Whiz... Is her name Liz?

DonR · Mar 25, 2009

sagefr0g said:

Wow! That is pretty amazing, Sagefr0g. Quite a few times I went down $300, or more, in a matter of an hour, or two. A lot of people here, probably even faster than that. You have to tell us the secret.

ricopuno · Mar 25, 2009

I learned to gamble through my wife. I hate gambling before , but I lost the

battle

therefore I gave in. Now, I'm a card counter, video poker player, slots player.

This coming May I will receive my severance package and I told my wife that

she will sit down while I count cards.

hawkeye · Mar 25, 2009

I got my wife into gambling, she's getting better at BJ everyday. She doesn't fully count, but employs a modified short-term counting system where she keeps her eyes out for a large quantity of small cards in one round, and then ups the bet for the next round. If the big cards came out to make up for it, she drops her bet back down. If not she keeps it up. It's actually pretty effective, given it's kind of a home made thing.

sagefr0g · Mar 25, 2009

DonR said:

just dumb luck is all but no doubt learning stuff on the forums, sims and books has helped.
but as far as starting with the low bank roll and surviving the ups and downs i was really conservative (except for relatively few steaming events, when i'd get po'd) in my betting playing 99% nickle tables for the most part. always i added my winnings into my bankroll. did a really, really lot of wonging out. oh, and i was lucky enough to play for several years on the SeaEscape in Florida where they had some really good incentives and match plays. i forget exactly, i think it was you could buy a $150 worth of chips for a hundred dollars once a week, then they had match play nights where you could get two $25 match play chips sort of stuff. pretty good game as well, 6ds17daslsr mostly fair pen.

they had cheap rates for boarding the ship if you had a players card. i just wrote that expense off since i could wrangle two meals a day out of them as part of the cruise, sort of thing.

creeping panther · Mar 26, 2009

Jimm

jimmtech said:

Your marriage is far more important than the GAME.

I went through the same thing with my wife. For years she let me go whenever I wanted because she had the kids at home to care for and keep her company...that was very nice. Now that the kids are gone I will not leave her alone in that very big house on that very large "Wooded Estate". So she decided to give in some and try some travel with me to many casinos. She is a Math wiz with high University Degrees and is also a Math Proff. She has taken to video poker and has won many thousands in a short time, but will not play BJ because she is uncomfortable with the heat I have drawn with her playing besides me. She still complains about the smoke , especially in certain casinos, but all in all it has been very good for our marriage, us doing this casino thing together.

You must understand that your wife is very scared of your becoming an addict, and her first priority is protecting the home and children etc. Understandable. If you go Pro you will also be gone from her...bad thing.

My suggestion, introduce her to VP, let her know it is a skill game, maybe she will then find a niche that she can enjoy and challenge her.

My best to you and the misses. And since you are from the Midwest you should consider coming to the "BJ BASH" and bringing along your wife to meet and talk with other wifes that have gone through the same trials.

CP

EasyRhino · Mar 28, 2009

jimmtech said:

Wow, I think I'd get along great with her. Sounds like quite a catch.

Automatic Monkey · Mar 28, 2009

FLASH1296 said:

A deck of cards?

A single deck?

I don't blame you man, I get wood for SD too.

blackchipjim · Mar 29, 2009

spouses

I would have to agree with the panther on the spouses question. My wife and kids are more important than any game that I may play or any other activity for that matter. If something needs to be controlled it already has control of the person. I use to gamble alot more than i do now but that was causing problems so I cut back. If bj is causing you maritial problems you need to make some tough choices as to what is important to you in life. blackchipjim

tribute · Mar 29, 2009

jimmtech said:

Do you mean "She couldn't care less" ?

jimmtech · Mar 29, 2009

Yes, you are correct - I meant to say she couldn't care less - thanks!

Katweezel · Mar 29, 2009

SageBook

sagefr0g said:

Sage, I think the squillions of Blackjack players the world over are now ready for a book outlining your experiences dating back to the original $300. So long as it doesn't look like another math-guru BJ book, I think it could be a winner. @ $19-99 X 400,000 copies, that's a lotta moola...
PS Keep the wife in it because a great many BJ players you see everywhere probably still have a wife... I think. :cat:

Katweezel · Mar 29, 2009

Superior Counsellor

callipygian said:

Define success. If she resents you for the rest of your life but you get to follow your dream of being pro, is that success?

I haven't been in your exact situation, but this sounds like a pretty normal marriage issue - you want to do something or make a lifestyle change your wife doesn't like. That something varies, but the conflict usually ends up being the same whether it's you wanting to work at a lower paying job or to move your family to another state or to have a threesome

or to accept a promotion that requires travelling. Stuff like this happens all the time, and there's a standard battery of exercises that marriage counselors can use to help you talk through your problem. If there's someone you both trust (friend, counselor, pastor, etc.), I'd suggest hitting them up for advice.

If you want to save yourself some time or money, these sessions generally start off the same way:

There's generally a root (unspoken) issue that's the real key to the problem. Try to find out what that is - is she worried you won't make enough money? Is she worried you won't spend enough time with her? Is she worried that you'll fail?

Also, look inside at yourself. What's your goal here, to convince her to sign on to something you've essentially decided to do with or without her, or to find a way to make the pro life work for you? Be honest with yourself; you don't need to post anything here or PM me or pretend to be anything you aren't. I'm not your counselor.

Yeah, Call, You give some pretty sound advice to Jimm. My wife is like his, as well. I see you have bowed out of being his counsellor. But I'm prepared to pay real cash for this, as I can't get through to her on the casino topic. Now, can you have a chat with her? No win, no pay, OK? :cat:

Mimosine · Mar 29, 2009

i never stepped foot in a casino until i met my GF.

i watched her plays slots with her family. i gave it a whirl once or twice, total money at stake under $40. I always thought casinos were a complete waste, and I think deep down i was worried that it might bring out a bad side in me if i ever got into it too much.....

and then i remembered something about BJ from when i was a kid, playing some casino game, most memorably on a turbografix 16. i did some google searches, i found this place immediately, i learned BS immediately, i played one or two $40 sessions and was simultaneously learning KO. I've been in a casino about 6 times in my life without an advantage. it was the GF that accidentally changed me. now she's picking up on BJ and playing slots less and less.

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