Right now I'm in the lowest point of my career. Everything was going well. I broke out of a break even spell and was at an all time bankroll high. Things finally felt as if they were looking up for me. My bankroll was swollen to about $124,000 after my most recent trip. I decided to head off to Vegas, hopes high, in good spirits. The first day I picked up $6,000. My bankroll has swollen all the way up to $130,000. I slept for the night, woke up in the morning and then it happened. -$3,000 first session at 2x500. No big deal. Annoying but nothing bad. Next session: -$9,000 in one shoe at 1x500. Now I'm feeling the sting. I reversed my $6,000 win and turned it in to a $6,000 loss quickly. From that point on it was all blood from there with a minor "winning streak" that was taken back from me in short order. When the dust had settled and I returned home my bankroll had been run down all the way to $88,000, and now $86,000 after my most recent loss. I couldn't have imagined a worse outcome when I left to Vegas in good spirits. I took a look back at my graph and my break even period is around 750 hours. 8 months of full time play to show no win at blackjack.
The chronic depression, feelings of loneliness, despair, anger, etc. cannot escape me. I go to sleep and m rest is not satisfying. The moment I wake up the first thought that crosses my mind is "I can't believe I lost that much money. I can't believe I'm break even for 750 hours. I must be -1SD lifetime..." Every moment of every day I cannot escape the negative thoughts. As a result I am unable to enjoy anything in life. It's like I'm trapped in my own personal hell. I feel trapped and I don't know what to do.
The chronic depression, feelings of loneliness, despair, anger, etc. cannot escape me. I go to sleep and m rest is not satisfying. The moment I wake up the first thought that crosses my mind is "I can't believe I lost that much money. I can't believe I'm break even for 750 hours. I must be -1SD lifetime..." Every moment of every day I cannot escape the negative thoughts. As a result I am unable to enjoy anything in life. It's like I'm trapped in my own personal hell. I feel trapped and I don't know what to do.