A friend sent this to me, it had me laughing out loud...
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So the other day I get a desperate call from this guy who runs the local "casino nights" gathering for parties. Typically I deal craps to a crowd that is just there to have a good time, during a company party, wedding or social function. Chips are converted to raffle tickets etc. The guy who calls me asks if I wouldn't mind dealing Hold 'em for this party... he's really desperate he says. No problem, I tell him. While I've never dealt poker "officially" most of these functions are with people that don't know much about gambling and are just looking to have fun.
So I'm at the tournament site waiting for the games to start. I brush up on the dealer aspect, but I'm confident that I should be fine. It turns out that it's a tournament game, which is a little harder to deal. To make it more exciting Phil Hellmuth all of a sudden is towering over me wondering if he's sitting at my table. "Uhh hey Phil, do you want one of our complimentary cheat sheets which offers the hierarchy of hand strengths?" For those that do not know, Phil is a pretty much one of the top players in the world. He is pretty cool, but says he's starting at a different table.
I am little bit more nervous, wondering who else is going to showup at this little function. And then of course, the one and only Annie Duke shows up and sits down at my table. Again, for those that don't follow poker, she is regarded as pretty much the top female player in the world. She was the woman Ben Affleck employed as his personal instructor. Now, I've seen TV and while Annie is all smiles during interviews, that woman is just mean during games. I've never been a big fan of her. In 2004 during the WSOP she called over the floor for some trivial thing that a scrub guy did.
Crap, so I better really make sure I know what I'm doing. A few other players show up, they are not big time and are all pleased to be at the same table as Annie. One guy introduces himself to me and asks if I am a regular dealer. I tell him not at all, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express. The guy thinks I'm funny but little Annie isn't one bit impressed with my standup routine. Just to make sure she hates me, I say something the lines of, "I know the game, I play all the time, 3 of a kind loses to a straight which loses to a flump." No smiles from her, so I elect to shut-up.
So I start out by dealing the first cards to see who gets the blind, not everyone at the table is present so I skip those that haven't showed up yet. Oops. Annie gets really mad and says I have to deal to those too. "Oh okay, I apologize, I didn't know." She rolls her eyes.
The game starts out, I think I'm doing a fabulous job. I tell people it's their turn and stuff. There are several beginners, so I'm starting to settle in and I correct them on some mistakes (folding when they could check). However after the first round, again good 'ol Annie yells, "you have to put the chips in the center" or something to that affect and grabs them all and stacks them angrily.
"Okay I'm sorry. I'll do it from now on." Then I set down the deck and start shuffling the other deck after the flop.
"DON'T PUT DOWN THE DECK!" I'm on fire now with my new best friend. Again I apologize, but I haven't even made it to 4th street and I've been yelled at like 3 times. "Where's the blackjack table" I wonder to myself.
The hand finishes up okay. And we start the second hand. I'm a bit rattled now as there's people taking pictures and a guy video taping too. I deal out the cards but miss the missing guy's hand as I'm shooting the cards around for the second time.
"You missed a guy!"
"Oh dang, my fault. Shoot, well it doesn't really matter since he's not here?"
"It does matter! Now all the cards are messed up."
"Oh, well they're still random..." This was not a good response.
"Look, I'll deal if you don't want to deal correctly!"
"Uhh okay, that's fine."
I get up and leave and go help out with the craps table. Phil Hellmuth had apparently observed a good portion of this and says something along the lines mocking Annie for making fun of the "poor dealer."
Anyway, that's my story. I was eliminated from the table in two hands by Annie without even getting cards.
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So the other day I get a desperate call from this guy who runs the local "casino nights" gathering for parties. Typically I deal craps to a crowd that is just there to have a good time, during a company party, wedding or social function. Chips are converted to raffle tickets etc. The guy who calls me asks if I wouldn't mind dealing Hold 'em for this party... he's really desperate he says. No problem, I tell him. While I've never dealt poker "officially" most of these functions are with people that don't know much about gambling and are just looking to have fun.
So I'm at the tournament site waiting for the games to start. I brush up on the dealer aspect, but I'm confident that I should be fine. It turns out that it's a tournament game, which is a little harder to deal. To make it more exciting Phil Hellmuth all of a sudden is towering over me wondering if he's sitting at my table. "Uhh hey Phil, do you want one of our complimentary cheat sheets which offers the hierarchy of hand strengths?" For those that do not know, Phil is a pretty much one of the top players in the world. He is pretty cool, but says he's starting at a different table.
I am little bit more nervous, wondering who else is going to showup at this little function. And then of course, the one and only Annie Duke shows up and sits down at my table. Again, for those that don't follow poker, she is regarded as pretty much the top female player in the world. She was the woman Ben Affleck employed as his personal instructor. Now, I've seen TV and while Annie is all smiles during interviews, that woman is just mean during games. I've never been a big fan of her. In 2004 during the WSOP she called over the floor for some trivial thing that a scrub guy did.
Crap, so I better really make sure I know what I'm doing. A few other players show up, they are not big time and are all pleased to be at the same table as Annie. One guy introduces himself to me and asks if I am a regular dealer. I tell him not at all, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express. The guy thinks I'm funny but little Annie isn't one bit impressed with my standup routine. Just to make sure she hates me, I say something the lines of, "I know the game, I play all the time, 3 of a kind loses to a straight which loses to a flump." No smiles from her, so I elect to shut-up.
So I start out by dealing the first cards to see who gets the blind, not everyone at the table is present so I skip those that haven't showed up yet. Oops. Annie gets really mad and says I have to deal to those too. "Oh okay, I apologize, I didn't know." She rolls her eyes.
The game starts out, I think I'm doing a fabulous job. I tell people it's their turn and stuff. There are several beginners, so I'm starting to settle in and I correct them on some mistakes (folding when they could check). However after the first round, again good 'ol Annie yells, "you have to put the chips in the center" or something to that affect and grabs them all and stacks them angrily.
"Okay I'm sorry. I'll do it from now on." Then I set down the deck and start shuffling the other deck after the flop.
"DON'T PUT DOWN THE DECK!" I'm on fire now with my new best friend. Again I apologize, but I haven't even made it to 4th street and I've been yelled at like 3 times. "Where's the blackjack table" I wonder to myself.
The hand finishes up okay. And we start the second hand. I'm a bit rattled now as there's people taking pictures and a guy video taping too. I deal out the cards but miss the missing guy's hand as I'm shooting the cards around for the second time.
"You missed a guy!"
"Oh dang, my fault. Shoot, well it doesn't really matter since he's not here?"
"It does matter! Now all the cards are messed up."
"Oh, well they're still random..." This was not a good response.
"Look, I'll deal if you don't want to deal correctly!"
"Uhh okay, that's fine."
I get up and leave and go help out with the craps table. Phil Hellmuth had apparently observed a good portion of this and says something along the lines mocking Annie for making fun of the "poor dealer."
Anyway, that's my story. I was eliminated from the table in two hands by Annie without even getting cards.