In the final analysis, it's like Pachinko
I try to remember that each hand I play is worth the per hand EV, regardless of what my actual results at the moment are. The goals then become: (1) play each hand correctly and (2) play as many hands as possible. The rest then takes care of itself. This is easier said than done, and not completely true(*), but it's a useful approximation.
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(*) Each of our playing lives is somewhat like pachinko. In pachinko, you drop a ball at the top and it falls down, bouncing off pins, until it comes to rest at the bottom. The expected landing spot is in the center, right below the drop point, but the actual landing spot may be off to one side or the other.
Unfortunately, we only get one drop (one life), so we hope for EV or something close, but each player's result will be different. All we can say with certainty is that the probability of doing better than EV is equal to the probability of doing worse than EV. In other words, half of all APs who play perfectly will have a result that is worse than expected. Some far worse.
So it's not you or your play. It's the nature of the game.
